Rebuilding

Everyone needed a it, a companion, someone to love, to be there.

Lately I have been torn apart emotionally. Have been crying a lot. Stress over the issue I was going through.

The love had pushed both of us away, to a distance till nearly felt like strangers on some point. It also as pushed him to a breaking point of uncontrollable anger and resentment towards me.

We finally talked after a week long void between us during his ICT. I blocked out the slot on Saturday for dinner with him, after doing my assignment and project discussion. That night salsa was put aside to address our issues.

Meet for dinner at Central Mall of Clarke Quay for Japanese Ramen which tasted okie but a little expensive for the serving size. Then proceed for drinks and supper @ Sun with Moon.

There we had our talked. More like cross examination done by him. What pushes us till this point, which he actually crack and hates me for.

All these came from the prolong pressure/stress generated from study between us; my hobby salsa; conflict of interest; constant anger and resentment toward my hobby and friends; my horrible time management; difference of priorities setting.

I tried to made him understand why I like salsa. The kind of social activities where is just pure dancing and meeting new people. The relaxation it gives me, music, achievement and improvement. Also form of exercise which generates extra endorphins for the stoned brain and body which other forms of exercise does not generate so fast which may due to lack of music and rhythm I'm incline to.

I understand that his love for me includes addressing the late nights and expenses, injury, and most importantly my rest and further exhaustion from the dancing. All that deaf ear drove him to the breaking point as we stand on different views and needs.

The talk did calm him down, yet he still disapprove of it.
But at least draw the distance closer. I want him to be closer to me, like what we use to be. Still our priorities might continue to differ, yet I will learn to manage management it just to make us work.

I did mention that salsa is like an addiction for now. But I don't see the fever will keep going till I aged (old woman) since I'm not a pro; unless I become a pro. Worst if all the salsa buddies stop going. Is just something I look forward to do just to break lose from all normal forms. I like this form of exercise, frequency will reduce once the boredom kicks in.

I just wanted my space, when I want it, how I want it.
But this does not change my love for him, cause I never wanted to pushed him away.
Rebuilding the relationship should be in progress. We need to rebuild, He needs to calm down more.

I may just be so uniquely indifferent and hard to management.
Yet not difficult to love.


-= A liTTle Crazy worLd =-